Sure google doctor did a pretty good job identifying that weird rash in my armpit and the reason my mouth itches when I eat doritos, but sometimes I just feel like it doesn’t get me … you know? I mean, I know I have scurvy now, but do I really know more about myself? My gums are sore and itchy, but my soul is sorer and more itchy…

Thank god for Emojinalysis, a tumblr which identifies exactly what is wrong with you based on your recently used emoji page. Well kind of, it turns out we’re all huge messes (think you can get away with using the calendar emoji? Think again, freak). Take a look at my recently used page, I might look #blessed to you, but beneath the three kinds of heart emoji I’ve been using lies a core of side-eye and zig-zag mouth faced despair.

While my prolific use of cold sweat and despair faces should be enough to tell you I’m too nervous to deal with the stress that comes with actually submitting to the site, I have committed to working on myself and can only hope my life someday resembles this emoji page, full of baths, hammers, toilets and seven different kinds of currency.

More emojis

Watch: Beyoncé’s “Drunk In Love” – Emoji interpretation
Liza Nelson brings emojis to life
Apple responds to lack of diversity in emojis