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OO - No happy endings

If you think that making an account at SugarDaddyMeet.com might put you in a situation where you debate your moral standing, then you would be right. Married men are dropping at my feet and basically begging me to have sex with them for money. Okay, it’s just one guy and his approach has been very professional. Basically, he would like a to to three times a month meeting for sexual pleasure and he (of course) would financially compensate me for my time. Just like that. Like he is asking me to pop around and water his plants a couple of times a month. The money will be left on the dresser.

I know what you are thinking: what did I expect, right? Yeah, I know, I know. But I am still pretty taken aback by the straightforwardness of it all. Man ain’t playing! He wants to meet for coffee in like two days to see if there is any chemistry and, no, he doesn’t want to send a photo on the basis of privacy but he ensures me that he has been told that he is incredibly good looking. I begin to wonder how he will know if we have any chem over a soy latte and then I realise that if he did order a soy latte I would know there and then that there is no way in hell I’d fuck him. So maybe his approach isn’t that crazy.

Look, I won’t lie, I’m only 90% thinking ‘No fucking way,’ because, you know, broke, and also, being a writer I tend to have questionable and somewhat flexible morals as I like to venture down paths that might not be good for me (or anyone else for that matter) for the sake of experience. I think people only know things for sure if they have experienced or read them for themselves. Otherwise, we are just going off someone else’s experience or opinion. Don’t judge me, okay? Every single chick on this planet sitting on their moneymaker who enjoys sex and needs money has wondered ‘Would I?’ when it comes to taking money for sex, followed closely by the question, ‘Could I?’. It’s basically a win-win situation, amirite? Ahh fuck – and just like that tram inspector coming out of nowhere the one time you decide to fair evade, in walks integrity and base-level respect for yourself, as well for the person who doesn’t have a clue that her husband is offering soy lattes for a wrist job on the internet.

Money for sex is one thing, and rolling in the sheets with a married man is another. My conscience would surely buckle under the weight of being involved with either scenarios, let alone a fusion. The married man is an allure all on its own. It is always going to be a little flattering that someone else’s man wants in on what you got going on and the thought of being fingered by the ring finger, ring still on, stimulates all sorts of awkward feelings. But that’s just it: fantasy is free but acting on a thought that could be described as sinful often comes with a price tag. Sin feels goods my friends. Real good. Spoken like a Catholic.

There are no absolutes and everything is relative. A person’s view on what is right and wrong is based entirely on context and can change over time. If I had this offer in my more ‘experimental days’, where self-sabotage was my game and adventure was my aim, you would be reading a different column. But something is true or it is not. Like something is either wet or it is dry. It cannot be both. In order to know the difference, you need to have an ultimate standard. A level that you have created and a boundary that you stick to, a constant and consistent lifeboat that you can depend on when you are swimming in the raging seas of temptation, provocative offers and false friends.

A flexible perspective is crucial in order to become a well-rounded person who puts themselves in the shoes of others, which is the very foundation of compassion.

If something is right then it is not wrong. And if something is wrong, then it is not right. Fucking someone else’s husband is wrong – sexy, yes, but wrong. Taking money for sex is subjective based on how much you value your peace of mind as well as your majesty, a word I like to use for my absolute perfect vagina. So while I realise the cost of coffee these days is virtually daylight robbery, I am absolutely certain that he could not afford this jelly.

Keep up with The Obnoxious Owl’s weekly ‘Shooting from the Hip’ column here.