Last week, publications went crazy over the absurd story of Jasmine Tridevil, a woman who had allegedly paid a surgeon $20,000 to take skin from her abdomen and mould a third breast for her. Many of us desperately wanted it to be real, to have our morbid fascination with the unstable and unethical culminate in a reality TV show deal or be unveiled as an elaborate hoax. Christmas came early for the latter camp as, thanks to the strangely dedicated investigation of interest journalists, three key pieces of evidence have emerged that pretty much confirm this whole thing is a publicity stunt. Here they are:
EXHIBIT A: She looks exactly like a known internet troll
The URL JasmineTridevil.com, the crown jewel in the accused’s budding PR kingdom, is owned by a one Alisha Hessler (right) who bares an eery resemblance to alleged pre-surgery Jasmine Tridevil. Hessler is a Florida masseuse whose ‘Golden Touch’ business alleges she is a ‘Provider of internet hoaxes since 2014’ and ‘Specialises in three breasted women’. You can see where I’m going with this.
EXHIBIT B: This isn’t her first stunt
If we assume that they are the same person, then this isn’t Hessler’s first foray into the world of vaguely disturbing, antisexual soft news. In December 2013, the Tampa local forced a man who allegedly assaulted her to sit at a busy intersection holding a sign stating ‘I beat women. Honk if I’m a scumbag.’ The stunt gained the attention of local media and police pursued Hessler to press formal charges against the man although she did not return their calls.
EXHIBIT C: Someone stole her boobs
According to a police report acquired by bastion of moral journalistic restraint TMZ, Alisha Hessler had her bag stolen off an airport luggage carousel. When the thieves were apprehended, an itinerary of Hessler’s bag was taken, including a three breast prosthesis that she valued at $5000. I don’t know about you, but I don’t usually haul around my overnight bag with some extra appendages in case I lose my own or need a substitute.
So all in all, probably a hoax. Sorry, internet. Still, it seems like this whole palava isn’t over yet. Maybe she’ll get a real fake third breast grafted on to dispel rumours or maybe this will turn out to be another disappointing online performance art piece lecturing us on our fascination with unstable strangers (thanks for making us cynical, Horse_ebooks). Either way, this draws to mind that tired yet flawless epigram ‘only in Florida’.
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