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Weekly updates

Say what you will about Yeezy’s musical output and personal life, but there is no disputing the fact that Kanye West is fucking-up the noble art of Weed Carrying. To the untrained eye, it might appear that the G.O.O.D. (Gettin’ Other Opiates Delivered) Music crew is yet another thinly disguised collection of weed holders (Big Sean clearly serves no purpose other than to take the weight if they get caught with that…uh…weight and the less said about 2 Chainz the better). That’s all part of the game, and it’s pretty much mandatory at this point for even a moderately successful rapper dude to have at least three weed holders on the payroll. An international superstar like Kanye though? He needs an entire record label imprint to keep his baggage handlers catered for.

But somewhere along the line, something went horribly wrong. I’m not talking about the standard casualties of the game such as GLC, who after years of loyal sack stashing found himself kicked to the curb. No one holds forever, right? Nah, the real tragedy here stems from the fact that Mr. West managed to sabotage the flawless record of the Greatest Weed Carrier of All-Time: Cons to the mother fuckin’ Quence! His story is one of inspiration to aspiring sidekicks across the globe. If you ever caught my ‘Salute To Weed Carriers’ blog or heard one of my drunken phone-in’s to the Combat Jack Show on PNC Radio, then you’ll be more than familiar with Consequence’s resume. If not, allow me to bring you up to speed….

Cons got his break as cheeba stasher on account of being Q-Tip’s cousin. For his loyal service he was rewarded with some mush mouthed airtime on Beats, Rhymes and Life and that other shitty album they made before the break-up in 1998. Now for most weed carriers, that would have been all she wrote and Consequence would have moved on to the natural career progression of handing out the complimentary air fresheners at the local car wash. But not this plucky little upstart! He had the self-belief to become a Weed Owner himself one day, and managed to parlay himself a solo deal over at Elektra records, where he proceeded to rot on the shelf for six or so years. Even this dead-end failed to discourage him, and by 2005 Cons had managed to weasel his way into Kanye West’s entourage and commence tree transporting duties.

This in itself is an extraordinary achievement, as not only did Cons manage to find a second Weed Owner to carry the ‘dro for (a rare enough feat to begin with), he actually carried weed for two generations of rappers! That’s major. And not some D-list rappers either – the effin’ A-grade! As a result of this vision and dedication to the cause, I had no hesitation in naming Consequence as the GOAT Weed Carrier back in 2010. But less than a year later, Kanye had to go and fuck shit up for everybody by neglecting his most valuable drug mule and leaving his second album on the backburner just a little too long. Cons also claimed that ‘Ye had taken credit for some of his work (not unlike when he won a Grammy for ‘Jesus Walks’, a song he bought from an Indianapolis-based MC named Rhymefest and re-recorded). As a result, he quit his weed holding duties and broke north, ending the greatest Weed Carrying run ever! Pour a little hydro out for the best to ever do it…

Keep up with Robbie’s ‘No Country for Old (Rap) Men’ column here.