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Weekly updates

Ladies and gentlemen, I present you with the year’s greatest album cover. Wiz Khalifa’s O.N.I.F.C. is 70’s funk album cover artwork done right, which basically equates to looking like an unholy cross between Jimi Hendrix, Prince and Keith Richards…with tatts. Now the more cynical members of the peanut gallery may blame this on the Wiz’s fiancée, Amber Rose, aka Kanye’s former Bad-Ass Bald Broad. Ms. Rose has been described as “a hood stripper from Philly” by some, and there is some evidence to indicate that she has “turned-out” the Wiz in a similar manner to the impact romantic involvement with the infamous Erykah Badu has had on several well-known rapper dudes. In case you’re not familiar with the power of ‘Baduizm’, allow me to provide a quick refresher.

If you’re a famous rapper and you sleep with Erykah, you may find yourself experiencing bizarre side effects from the power of her P. It usually manifests itself by dressing like a noveau hippy, sporting stupid hats and recording incredibly self-indulgent music which completely alienates your fan-base. Some previous victims include Andre 3000 from Outkast, Common and Jay Electronica. Oddly enough, Texan rapper The D.O.C., who rolled with NWA back in the day and wrote a lot of stuff for Dr. Dre for The Chronic, was able to date Erykah and fathered her second child without being spotted with so much as a tie-die scarf. Sadly, this kind of resilience is a rare feat, and The D.O.C. appears to have been the only MC still capable of dressing himself while in her company. For more information regarding this disturbing condition, please read this in-depth medical report.

Has Amber Rose got Wiz so pussy-whipped that she can now force him to wear her old outfits from her days as a pole princess in Illedelphia? Or has Khalifa been smoking from the same stash as his buddy Snoop Lion and lost his cot-damned mind? Perhaps this is merely a reaction to the power of the ‘pink dollar’, or as I like to call it, ‘The Ocean Effect’. Wiz’s recent engagement might rule out pretending to be gay to do Frank’s numbers, but that doesn’t mean he can’t look the part, right?

Keep up with Robbie’s No Country for Old (Rap) Men weekly column here.